Why am I So Sad? The Difference between Pleasure and Happiness

Sadness is developed through pursuing excess pleasure and overloading our pleasure circuits to no longer feel contentment. It is very common in this day and age for us to mix the terms pleasure and happiness into one meaning. These two distinctly different feelings should not be lumped together; the former will drive you to misery while the latter is the nirvana-like feeling that most only wish for. There are multiple considerations to have when looking at pleasure and happiness, like the neurotransmitters involved, stimulation versus calming, the use of substances, and the length of the feeling. The most significant difference is that you can never have enough pleasure but happiness can leave you full without the need for more. 

The Neurotransmitters Involved

Pleasure and reward are driven by dopamine and happiness by serotonin. These two neurotransmitters have completely different brain pathways, regulatory schematics, and physiological and psychological outcomes. 

Pleasure is driven through dopamine, where you want to continue pulling the lever for the immediate pleasure that it brings (“more, more, more”). This is represented by the peaks and valleys of dopaminergic activity and when overused can lead to the frying of the dopamine pathways, which creates a dullness that only your affliction can relieve, for a moment. 

Happiness is driven through serotonin. Serotonin is a major player in the Here and Now (H&Ns) chemicals of the brain that allow you to feel content, good, and full. The H&Ns are what you feel when you have done something you are proud of, bringing a feeling of contentment that you can draw on now and further into the future. 

Stimulating Versus Calming

Pleasure is driven by excitement - this stimulates the body’s sympathetic nervous system (flight-or-fight). This will cause your blood pressure to increase and heart rate to go up. This hyper-vigilant state is important for survival but if activated often or chronically leads to a feeling of emptiness and staleness. 

On the other hand, happiness is elegant and calming. It makes your heart rate decrease and blood pressure go down. You are more likely to have activated your parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest). This state is required for creativity, contentment, and happiness. 

Using Substances or Things

“You can’t find happiness at the bottom of the bottle” and people sure seem to have a good time getting there. Pleasure can be found with substances, all of which stimulate the pleasure pathways of the brain. Substances such as sugar, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, marijuana, cocaine, and heroin all pull the pleasure lever for a short time before you need another “hit” to bring back the feeling. 

Happiness cannot be found quickly through substance or other short term solutions. Happiness is achieved through deeds- things that require a long, difficult process to achieve and you can look back on with pride. Many people feel happiness watching their children navigate their own life path or graduating from college. Happiness requires a longer time horizon to achieve. It is much easier to be happy 10 years from now than it is to be happy tomorrow. 

Length of the Feeling

Pleasure comes and goes very quickly. Get it, live it, and move onto the next thing. If we were to use the example of gambling; when you win, it is exciting and rewarding. Maybe you go to bed with a bit more of a glow than you did before. Then, you go back to the same table the next day and you get a small jolt of excitement but there is no glow. The feeling from last night has now evaporated. Another example is buying a new dress then trying it on a month later. It does not generate the same excitement as the day you bought it. 

Pleasure, when left unchecked, can lead to deep sadness. Sadness accumulates to form addiction.  Overload of the pleasure centers of the brain will not only lead to sadness but lead to disease, dejection, destitution, and commonly, death. Substance use (alcohol, nicotine, food, drugs, sugar, etc.) and compulsive behaviors (social media, gambling, shopping, porn, etc.) both have a major role in the expanded misery you feel day to day. 

Conversely, happiness lasts much longer. Happiness continues to permeate from your soul for weeks, years, even decades. It is what happens when you have a strong relationship or commit your time and energy to a worthwhile project. If you experience happiness and contentment from a sense of achievement or purpose, it is very likely to last a very long time. 

Happiness shows up a little differently for everyone and it typically shows up as a sense of calmness, contentment, and a drive to live a life well lived. Happy people excel at parenting, relationships, and can typically preform at a higher level due to increased focus and action. A small step toward happiness can create the conditions that lead to a more balanced life.

The Importance of Pleasure

This whole post has been attacking pleasure and how it leads to misery, which is all true. It is important to look at pleasure with kind eyes as well. Without pleasure, we would not be interested in doing just about anything. Pleasure makes us feel good when we enjoy a meal, pursue a relationship, or find something that is important to live. Pleasure is very important in life and we simply could not live without it. The important distinguisher here is that it is still possible to be content and happy in the absence of pleasure.  The issues will typically arise in the excess of pleasure and for one to be truly happy, the goal should not be to pursue pleasure but to pursue contentment.

Dopamine Coaching to achieve Happiness

Pleasure and reward are incredibly important to the pursuit of goals. They must be properly regulated to avoid the excess stimulation that leads to becoming sad. There are multiple strategies to increase happiness including: raising baseline dopamine, managing dopamine peaks, and pursuing activities that require work and delay gratification. 

Overindulgent behavior is difficult to manage alone. Our dopamine coaching is specifically designed to help you define your vision, remove your blockers, and create the conditions for you to live a happy life. At Mito Coaching, our highly trained professional coaches use a proven process to coach clients through their vision, goals, and pathways to achieve them. If you want to live a life that is driven by contentment and will lead to happiness, reach out today.