Finding Happiness (Balancing Dopamine through Pain)
Pleasure is the leading cause of misery. Excess use of dopaminergic substances or behaviors is the quickest way for you to get stuck in a dull life. Leaning into pain is the only universal cure to a miserable life. When you are willing to lean into the pain of craving and desire, a life that is vivid and well lived is able to emerge from the ashes of the battlefield.
Dopamine as a Measure of How Addictive Something is
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is found in the brain of humans and animals alike. It is used as a universal currency for desire, pleasure, and pain. When it comes to participating in a particular activity, using a substance, or pursuing a goal, dopamine is the driving force behind it. The level of dopamine that is released/uptaken during an activity shows the addictive potential of that activity. A bigger spike in dopamine equals a more addictive behavior or substance. These dopamine spikes are extremely pleasurable for a short amount of time and are followed by a large drop in dopamine which can feel very uncomfortable. So uncomfortable in fact that we are likely to re-engage with the activity even when it will have a much smaller reward the second time around.
What Happens when Pleasure Runs Rampant
If left unchecked, our dopamine system will continue to pursue relief from the dopamine drop. It appears as a craving. This leads to continuing to scroll social media, another hour of video games, more porn, or another hit of a drug. The diminishing returns of the activities creates a pain that makes you want to continue to pursue the activity. Eventually you can overstimulate your dopamine receptors, making it extremely difficult to receive reward for any activity besides the dopamine releasing activity or one that releases more. This is commonly known as tolerance to dopamine.
Tolerance to Dopamine and Dull Living
When we build up a tolerance to dopamine release, only certain activities will be considered rewarding by the brain. Gone will be the days when you enjoyed working out, spending time with your spouse, playing sports, creating art, ect. It will feel like the only thing that can bring you any relief is the addictive behavior. Our pleasure set point gets further and further away where only newer and more potent forms can reach. This leads to a life that feels dull, boring and sad. Luckily, there is a way to create a vivid life. Pain.
The Importance of Pain
Pain is on the opposite side of the dopamine balance. It is what is required to bring your system back to equilibrium and allow you to enjoy the mundane activities of life. Leaning into the pain of craving without yielding to desire, without reaching for your behavior, or without any relief allows you to bring your dopamine levels back into balance. Each person has their “drug of choice” and not everything that brings you pleasure will bring me pleasure. No matter what you choose to use, it is important to limit the behavior and make the pleasure acute. Problems exist when the behavior becomes chronic and there is no longer a high reward for participating.
Adding to the Pain Side
As mentioned above, the simplest way to lean into the pain side is to sit with your craving and not look for a way to relieve it. The craving may take minutes, hours, days, or even months to subside and it will subside. It is very helpful to remind yourself that eventually you will feel better, the pain will go away, and your life will be significantly better off than it was before. Many shows and books have equated this with battling a demon or the devil directly and you are participating in an exorcism of sorts. It is also helpful to enlist friends, family, or some kind of partner or team to help you on this journey. This is why twelve step programs are so successful. They leverage accountability, support, and just a little bit of shame to support your journey and create the conditions required for change. There are other ways to add to the pain side like cold exposure, which can bring the dopamine baseline back to a level that can relieve some cravings.
Tipping the Scales in Your Favor
So far, this sounds really, really, really unpleasant. Basically, I’m asking you to stop doing that thing that seems to bring you pleasure, so much pleasure in fact that almost nothing else feels good. Next, I’m asking you to sit with the craving, feel the pain, and do not listen to the demon begging you to relieve the pain. SO WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THIS?!
On the other side of this pain is power, contentment, and a life well lived. The power comes from defeating something that has held you down for so long, sucking the life out of you like a Dementor in Harry Potter. Contentment exists in a proper balance of dopamine and other neurochemicals that allows for you to have motivation, pursue long term goals, and become the best version of yourself. A life well lived is found when the simplest things can bring you incredible joy. Playing with your child, interacting with your spouse, or writing a blog post (see what I did there) can all bring you happiness and lead to a life that is vivid.
Who can help you in this process?
The process outlined above is much easier to write about than it is to go through. At Mito Coaching, our process is designed to help you navigate a world of abundance with the neural circuitry meant for a world of scarcity. Our highly trained professional coaches use a proven process to coach clients through their vision, goals, and pathways to achieve them. Dopamine coaching helps you to bring awareness to your triggers, strategies for sitting with the pain, and support you through the difficult process of building a life worth living. Working from personal experience, leading knowledge, and professional training, Mito Coaching is ready to empower you to be the powerhouse of your life.
